


Last Exit To Eden

by dddaehyun



Category: B.A.P
Genre: M/M, implied prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2374592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dddaehyun/pseuds/dddaehyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Daehyun has never been strong in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Exit To Eden

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a beautiful song of the same name, by Amanda Marshall.

 

 

The slamming of the door sounded eerily hollow in the small motel room.

 

Daehyun didn't bother to turn his attention towards the abrupt noise, registering the receeding footsteps of expensive leather shoes only in the back of his exhausted mind. His eyes were glued to the starry night sky visible through the slits of  dusty blinds covering the single open window next to the door. With the too thin, grayed sheets barely covering his naked body he could feel even the faintest breeze of sticky summer night air flowing through the open windows to drape over his already sweaty skin like a second layer of invisible, revoltingly humid skin. Daehyun could feel cum drying on the edges of his hips and between the bumps of his ribs, down the insides of his thighs and in the hollow of his navel, but he couldn't force himself to move yet.

 

He didn't want to feel his aching muscles, he didn't want to become aware of the blood slowly pooling unevenly right underneath the skin of his waist and hips and upper arms, second by second giving the blooming bruises a more prominent purple red color. Daehyun didn't want to feel anything at all.

 

His tired eyes caught sight of the cheap plastic alarm clock on the nightstand, toxic green digits announcing an ungodly two forty-two before the last digit changes into a three with an almost inaudible click. The highway leading past the edge of this forsaken town was almost completely deserted, the bright headlights of a lonely car only rarely ever cutting through the night, the roaring of the engine distant and strangely misplaced as the time ticks through seven seconds before lights and sounds and another stranger's life disappear into nightly darkness and silence again.

 

Slowly, Daehyun turned his head away from the window and towards the ceiling, feeling the vertebrae of his neck grind against each other as he laid eyes on the crumbling surface above him, dark cracks, some incredibly, almost artfully fine, other bold and as thick as a finger, running all across the naked concrete like frozen, ragged spiderwebs. Daehyun could hear some drunkard raging in the room right above his, voice filtering almost unnaturally clearly through the thin walls. The man was loudly preaching the gospel, slurred and jumbled lines heavily drenched in desperation and Johnny Walker Red.

 

With caution, not quite trusting his weak limbs, Daehyun pushed his body off the mangled sheets and towards the tiny bathroom, every shaky step causing his guts to twist and turn heavily inside him. He barely made it to the toilet, knees dropping down hard as he retched dryly, but nothing came up his throat, muscles only contracting painfully, making him retch yet again. There was nothing but alcohol and semen in his stomach right now and the sour taste of his saliva made Daehyun spit out in disgust, shuddering faintly.

 

Why was he even out here, in a motel room in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a lost place long forgotten by God and the rest of the world? Daehyun managed a bitter smile as he stumbled back up on his feet to face the mirror, suspicious dark stains and a large crack right through the middle of it. The single naked lightbulb hanging from the ceiling threw too sharp shadows over his face. It all distorted his face into something different, something lost and broken like an old empty picture frame no one had any use for anymore and Daehyun almost laughed about how well his outside would fit his inside, here in this parallel dimension in the mirror.

 

Taking a deep breath, Daehyun started scrubbing his body thoroughly clean, cold water causing goosebumps as his nails and palms scratched and rubbed at his skin until it was red and flustered. Water was running down his legs, gathering in small puddles around his feet on the cracked, yellowish tiles of the bathroom.

 

By the time he made it back into the bedroom it was three eleven and he felt a little steadier on his feet, managing to slip into shorts and a shirt before changing the soiled blanked. Twenty dollars were still lying where tonight's stranger so carelessly tossed them on the nightstand and Daehyun didn't bother touching the money yet. Instead he crawled under a fresh but still too stiff and thin blanket, rolling on his back again and closing his aching eyes.

 

A week.

 

A whole week had passed since he arrived here at this motel. A whole week since he took what little belongings he had and drove four hundred miles in a beat up mustang with only his own voice and his memories as company. Just to get away from there. From any responsabilities. From him. Jongup.

 

And in a twisted, confusing way it has been the best decision he could've made. He told himself he would be alright.

 

At least that's what he thought seven days ago when he parked in front of the motel and checked into a cheap, tiny room. But in his frantic haste to avoid being forced to make any decisions, he unknowingly made the one decision he regretted more than anything now. He seeked freedom but only got himself trapped in the cage of the motel room and the abyss of his panicked mind, lonely and lost.

 

Something fragile hit the floor upstairs and Daehyun could hear the man shouting louder, of the end being near and of falling to his knees to beg for forgiveness for his sins.

 

Daehyun scoffed weakly, his throat raw and dry, aching just like his chest. Maybe not only the stranger upstairs needed a savior, maybe Daehyun needed someone to save him too, from himself and the demons in his mind. But he knew that he couldn't be saved anymore, he left his personal savior behind four hundred miles away in a town big enough to get lost and too small to avoid someone you feel drawn to with every cell of your being. He left Jongup behind when he suddenly felt his heart drown in waves of shock and fear after hearing the sudden confession. Daehyun could only run away, stumbling over his tongue and his legs and his endless cowardice, only to land face first four hundred miles south on old grayish white bedsheets, breathing stale, sticky air and the lingering smell of heavy Old Spice instead of Jongup's gentle, comforting scent.

 

Don't fall in love with your best friend, they say, don't let your heart get attached to them in the most painful way. Friends can't be lovers, they say, because friends know everything and love blooms only on the soil of mysteries and discoveries. But what if your best friend falls in love with you? What are you supposed to do then?

 

Daehyun just knew that he wasn't supposed to freeze in silence like a vulnerable deer caught in the headlights of a truck, but that was exactly how Daehyun felt in that moment. Caught. Scared. More vulnerable than ever before when those three words rolled off Jongup's lips, followed by a soft 'Daehyun', like a dark spell to engrave them into his heart for eternity, as permanent as a tattoo. His only reaction was to flee, to leave everything behind, to pretend it didn't happen because Jongup could not love him, not back, it couldn't be, shouldn't be, not him, a thousand lifetimes as friends rather than one all alone- but look what you did, Daehyun.

 

He rolled over on his left side, knees pulled up to his chest as hot tears started clinging to his lashes, holding on almost stubbornly until he blinked, making them fall free down his cheekbone before disappearing into the pillow.

 

His cowardice fucked up everything he ever held dear and here he was now, lost in a nameless town between blurry faces and dull lights, with strangers he would let into his room if they bought him a drink, and between his legs for a handful of dollars, just enough to last him another day or two, not that he would eat much anyways. This was the life Daehyun knew, commitment and emotional proximity however were scary, unknown things to him, the reason he moved all across the state seven days ago.

 

Daehyun buried his tear-stained cheek deeper in the flat pillow, regret so thick in his throat he thought he couldn't breathe anymore as silent sobs shook his body. His heart kept pounding loudly underneath his ribs as he watched the cold headlights of a lonesome car throwing thin stripes of light over the uneven wallpaper on the opposite wall of the motel room.

 

This was his own choice, his doing, and only now did he fully grasp the impact on him and his life.

 

As he laid in the stuffy, cheap motel room, with an old car parking outside and the thick smell of paid sex lingering inside, Daehyun understood. As the drunk man upstairs broke into incoherent yells of hellfire and absolution, Daehyun realized that he took a one hundred eighty degree wrong turn seven days ago when he turned his back on his best friend. On his only chance for love.

 

Daehyun wrapped his arms around himself despite the heat, closing his burning eyes, and never before did he feel as scared and lost and wrong as he did now.

 

On the curvy route he chose so long ago he just missed the last exit to Eden four hundred miles ago, too afraid to try and find his way back.

 

Daehyun has never been strong in the first place.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I miiight write a happy ending some day~


End file.
